Can We Be Successful If We Come From A Dysfunctional Family?

Last night I listened to a call by co-founder of CarbonCopyPro Aaron Parkinson and Justin Woolf and he talked about his fear of becoming like his father who was an alcoholic and I immediately related because I went through the same thing with my Dad. My Dad was also an alcoholic and  my family, particularly my mother went through a lot of despair as a result of his alcoholism. 

The interesting thing is that most families are dysfunctional in one way or another. There is no "normal". What is "normal" anyway? In many families it might be alcohol, in others drugs, physical, verbal and/or emotional abuse, mental disorders and many others that maybe even I can imagine. 

We all have our stories and many people use these stories as excuses to under achieve.  My father or mother abandoned me, or hit me or didn't show affection, whatever. As children, of course we need lots of love, attention, good discipline. As adults, we need to grow up and let go, forgive those that hurt us. Because if we don't, we are perpetuating that pain in our lives and that person or situation isn't present anymore except n your mind. That person still holds power in your life. Let it go! These things are in the past, they no longer exist, only in your memories. Let go of the stories full of self pity.

One of my favorite quotes is by Wilson Mitchell "It's not what happens to you it's what you do about it that makes the difference." It is your choice. What do you choose? Do you choose to continue living in the pain from the past? Or do you choose to let it go and be happy? In my case, I grew up with an unloving father that barely spoke to me. Instead of looking for a father figure or feel unloved by men or by anyone for that matter, I chose to believe that men are capable of love and demonstrate affection. Instead of perpetuating his lack of affection and chose to be affectionate with my daughters and to tell them often that I love them. 

I learned from my experience and I choose to believe that I am a better mother because of him. When I was a little girl I resented him, even hated him for not being the father that I wanted him to be. I was jealous of my friends that had fathers that were fun and loving. I forgave him a long time ago. I realized that he didn't know any better, he did the best that he could with what he knew. I live at peace with him and with my self. 

So, stop making excuses. If you have any fears, don't blame it on your parents. Don't let the ghosts from the past control your present. Own your fears, acknowledge that it is your choice and no one else. Take a chance, take the first step and then another one. If you make a mistake, so what. Learn from it and move on. Failure is not fatal. Live the life you were meant to live! Use these experiences to your advantage and you will succeed.

How did you grow up? Was your family "normal" or dysfunctional? What did you learn from your upbringing? I'd love to hear your comments.