Can We Be Successful If We Come From A Dysfunctional Family?

Last night I listened to a call by co-founder of CarbonCopyPro Aaron Parkinson and Justin Woolf and he talked about his fear of becoming like his father who was an alcoholic and I immediately related because I went through the same thing with my Dad. My Dad was also an alcoholic and  my family, particularly my mother went through a lot of despair as a result of his alcoholism. 

The interesting thing is that most families are dysfunctional in one way or another. There is no "normal". What is "normal" anyway? In many families it might be alcohol, in others drugs, physical, verbal and/or emotional abuse, mental disorders and many others that maybe even I can imagine. 

We all have our stories and many people use these stories as excuses to under achieve.  My father or mother abandoned me, or hit me or didn't show affection, whatever. As children, of course we need lots of love, attention, good discipline. As adults, we need to grow up and let go, forgive those that hurt us. Because if we don't, we are perpetuating that pain in our lives and that person or situation isn't present anymore except n your mind. That person still holds power in your life. Let it go! These things are in the past, they no longer exist, only in your memories. Let go of the stories full of self pity.

One of my favorite quotes is by Wilson Mitchell "It's not what happens to you it's what you do about it that makes the difference." It is your choice. What do you choose? Do you choose to continue living in the pain from the past? Or do you choose to let it go and be happy? In my case, I grew up with an unloving father that barely spoke to me. Instead of looking for a father figure or feel unloved by men or by anyone for that matter, I chose to believe that men are capable of love and demonstrate affection. Instead of perpetuating his lack of affection and chose to be affectionate with my daughters and to tell them often that I love them. 

I learned from my experience and I choose to believe that I am a better mother because of him. When I was a little girl I resented him, even hated him for not being the father that I wanted him to be. I was jealous of my friends that had fathers that were fun and loving. I forgave him a long time ago. I realized that he didn't know any better, he did the best that he could with what he knew. I live at peace with him and with my self. 

So, stop making excuses. If you have any fears, don't blame it on your parents. Don't let the ghosts from the past control your present. Own your fears, acknowledge that it is your choice and no one else. Take a chance, take the first step and then another one. If you make a mistake, so what. Learn from it and move on. Failure is not fatal. Live the life you were meant to live! Use these experiences to your advantage and you will succeed.

How did you grow up? Was your family "normal" or dysfunctional? What did you learn from your upbringing? I'd love to hear your comments. 

Steps To Personal Success

Many of us spend our days traveling from one high-pressure environment to another, "putting out fires" and dealing with issues, before we arrive at the end of the day and wonder where all the time went. We live a life that is determined by custom and conformity. In truth, we don't really know how to measure whether we are being successful or not in real terms, even though we may often measure ourselves against the performance of our peers, close friends or family.

You may say that you do not have enough time to focus on the bigger picture, but simply need to make sure that you have enough money to put bread on the table, to look after your family and to take care of those often mundane chores that are part of your daily existence. You may wonder what is the secret of success, or even wonder what is the meaning of life. This is a phase that we all go through from time to time, yet sadly a majority of us do not take the necessary steps to achieve real success in life, in holistic terms.

If you want to take the first steps on this journey toward a brighter future, you need to assess certain critical success factors and make sure that you pursue them, doggedly. Unfortunately, there are many distractions and even more naysayers who will, subconsciously or not, try to pull you back.

The first thing that you need to do is to sit down and remind yourself what you are truly passionate about, whatever that may be and remind yourself why that passion exists in the first place. Commit to pursuing one or more of these passions with vigor. Make a list of reasons why you could be successful here and make a list of the potential distractions, as well. Set goals accompanied by specific conditions. Make these goals realistic, but infinitely achievable.

Dream of how successful you can be. Think of what you could do when you are successful in this way and how you could enrich not only your life, but the lives of everybody all around you. Remember that everything that we do, individually, affects a number of other people and this goes for negative actions as well as positive actions. Understand that by being successful, you will create a knock-on effect.

Always make sure that you have values attached to your goals and that the interim goals are measured and themselves rewarded. Be happy with the fact that it may take some time to get to your ultimate position of success and that you will find "speed bumps" on the way. This is why it's important to celebrate interim goals, to help you refocus on the bigger picture.

You have to believe. Your spiritual faith should certainly help you to understand that there is more to life than the mundane. It is well within our abilities as human beings to achieve whatever level of greatness we want to in our lives, but the longest journey begins with a single step.

Do you consider to have personal success? What is making your life successful? Or not? What is your idea of personal success?